Maybe because I was trying so hard and consciously trying to make it happen.
The policy was forced upon it; and was only pursued consciously when it became obvious.
Everything I found in books that pleased me I retained in my memory, consciously or unconsciously, and adapted it.
Man lives consciously for himself, but is an unconscious instrument in the attainment of the historic, universal, aims of humanity.
This view ignores that man has ideals of absolute value, truth, beauty, goodness, that he consciously communes with the God who is in all, and through all, and over all, that it is his mind which recognizes the vastness of the universe and thinks its universal law, and that the mind which perceives and conceives cannot be less, but must be greater than the object of its knowledge and thought.